My wife often asks me why I make things hard for myself. I’ll do everything I can to unload the shopping from the car in one go, hunt around for my keys in the dark instead of turning the light on, etc. Two in particular are not putting what I’m holding down so I can use two hands to complete a task, and not asking for my wife to help me. I tell her it’s because you never know when you won’t have a hand to use, or the power might be out, or… the zombies are coming and you’ll need to unload the car quickly in one go. She just laughs at me and shakes her head.
But you know what? It came in handy when lid I was pulling back on a can of condensed milk took more effort than normal and cut deep enough into my finger to leave quite a mess in the kitchen and apparently hit a nerve. Finger wrapped in about two inches of kitchen paper towels and a tea towel, I only had the one hand to put on some socks and shoes to go to Accident and Emergency. haha! I said to my wife, see now how all my one handed antics come in handy? She just laughed at me and shook her head.
I was feeling pretty pleased with myself at the hospital, the sense of self satisfaction helped me push through the light-headed-ness of the blood loss.
Then I got home, looked at the remarkably tidy kitchen and the now, through wifely magic, soaking pot that my blood had cooked into (it was either turn off the gas or keep myself from bleeding everywhere) until it looked like burnt chocolate. Suddenly I was struck by the thought of my alternate reality single self, after coming back from the hospital alone. Slinged up with only one good arm, he would be well prepared to go about cleaning up the mess by himself one handed, although he’d have to contend with dried blood on the floor instead of the fresh stuff my wife wiped up while I was still bleeding out into the sink. So he’d be well prepared, but alone. Vindications aren’t the same without witnesses. He’d also be alone the next morning, with no-one to keep him company while the nurse made redressing the wound even more painful than the initial injury because she wouldn’t use a tourniquet to help staunch the bleeding.
I had to laugh at myself and shake my head.