Petty Vindications


My wife often asks me why I make things hard for myself. I’ll do everything I can to unload the shopping from the car in one go, hunt around for my keys in the dark instead of turning the light on, etc. Two in particular are not putting what I’m holding down so I can use two hands to complete a task, and not asking for my wife to help me. I tell her it’s because you never know when you won’t have a hand to use, or the power might be out, or… the zombies are coming and you’ll need to unload the car quickly in one go.  She just laughs at me and shakes her head.

But you know what? It came in handy when lid I was pulling back on a can of condensed milk took more effort than normal and cut deep enough into my finger to leave quite a mess in the kitchen and apparently hit a nerve. Finger wrapped in about two inches of kitchen paper towels and a tea towel, I only had the one hand to put on some socks and shoes to go to Accident and Emergency. haha! I said to my wife, see now how all my one handed antics come in handy? She just laughed at me and shook her head.

I was feeling pretty pleased with myself at the hospital, the sense of self satisfaction helped me push through the light-headed-ness of the blood loss.

Then I got home, looked at the remarkably tidy kitchen and the now, through wifely magic, soaking pot that my blood had cooked into (it was either turn off the gas or keep myself from bleeding everywhere) until it looked like burnt chocolate.  Suddenly I was struck by the thought of my alternate reality single self, after coming back from the hospital alone. Slinged up with only one good arm, he would be well prepared to go about cleaning up the mess by himself one handed, although he’d have to contend with dried blood on the floor instead of the fresh stuff my wife wiped up while I was still bleeding out into the sink. So he’d be well prepared, but alone. Vindications aren’t the same without witnesses. He’d also be alone the next morning, with no-one to keep him company while the nurse made redressing the wound even more painful than the initial injury because she wouldn’t use a tourniquet to help staunch the bleeding.

I had to laugh at myself and shake my head.

22 thoughts on “Petty Vindications

  1. The Duck is slowly broiling into a Ducklet..
    Such an adorable post it’s practically killing me.

    I do the same thing too (making my life harder); I’d rather fumble in front of the dark doorway until my bags has all alternatively greeted the floor more than once before I tell my mom that I don’t need help.

    Laughing at myself is the best lesson I’ve ever learned.

    All the best Kiwi (:

    1. Yes, thankfully the accident happened last year. Finger is still numb in some spots, but always a reminder of how lucky I am to have Mrs P’s support.

      98c?! Whoop whoop! I didn’t know my click could be such a good earner! I do try to remember to click if I see an ad.

      1. I chopped off a little piece of my left thumb tip 2 yrs ago. At ER, the doctor asked: cutting onion? He was spot on. Then he told me the tip would grow back. He was way off! I am still trying to grow my thumb along with the flowers.:-) Yep! a Whooping 98 cents!! Will mail you a bag of coins for being a co-conspirator .:-) Have a great weekend!

      2. Aiyaah. Not the end of the thumb. I can’t believe the doctor tried to sell you that story, doesn’t sound likely at all.

        Still your flowers are a very beautiful diversion from the absence of thumb.

  2. I sort of chopped off the tip of my finger with my piano stool when I was a teenager (yes, weird method to hurt yourself I know) and the bit grew back, thank goodness. Ok it was all of the skin.. and I won’t go on about it because it was gross… Ofcourse Mrs P makes wifely magic!!! Anyway, get well soon.

  3. I won’t lie I feel a little queasy but oh my word great story! And seriously what better thing to break it on than condensed milk?

    1. Indeed, I was making these sort of granola nut bars held together with condensed milk topped with dark chocolate, that I was taking to work for breakfasts for a little while, So good, although I don’t know if I’ve made any since the incident, Might be time to do some again.

      1. Holy shit we are literally twins! I made granola nut bars with dark chocolate that are held together with condensed milk every single week! Partly because I don’t believe in packaged food such as muesli bars and partly because they are so darn delicious!

      2. haha! In a way I’m not surprised. They are so good. Too good, I started sneaking more and more to work for breakfast to give me an ever better start to the day. Or so I told myself. And yeah, better to know exactly what’s going in the bar because you put it there I reckon.

  4. This made me laugh; though I hope your finger has restored. I’m totally like you in the making things difficult department. My partner was very amused when I tried to put on undies without hands ‘just in case I lost them one day’. I did manage it though!

    1. Heh, yep, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’m very impressed with your no hands feat (was that a feat of feet?). I’m struggling to work out the logistics right now. There’s probably a youtube video somewhere. *Googles*

      1. *Laughs like hyena* It can be done with a lot of lifting one leg first and then the other. And making circles with your hips. If you’re going to try, make sure there’s nobody watching, or it *will* become a youtube video 😀

  5. I believe the desire to only make 1 trip in unloading the shopping is “A Man Thing”. Personally, I don’t see the hurry. I’d rather make 2 trips than pull something, drop something, trip over or all of the above.

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